September 26

It has been a crazy week, and thus no posting. It was a week in which I was sick the first half of the week. The second half of the week featured requests then demands at work for things I don't have the authority or ability to do. By the end of the week, I was feeling pretty cranky and not at all Godly.

And I think that's okay.

One of the things that I tend to do to myself is to expect perfection. If I am able to do something, I should be able to do it each and every time. There is no excuse for anything else...

But that is not in keeping with the freedom that God has granted us. The bottom line is this:

• Do your best to love God and your neighbor
• Ask forgiveness when you screw it up
• Try again tomorrow

To some people, this represents a dangerous proposition. It means we are free to crap all over each other in the name of love your neighbor. After all, if I love you, then I will get you right with God using any means necessary. And I will do it with love. And, if somehow this force-feeding hurts you, I will just ask forgiveness and I have no responsibility.

That's not God's love; it's Marie Barone's.

God's love means that you have to do your best, then really examine your conscience. In many cases, the views we have of sin are almost child-like. I said something mean or I ate a second piece of cake. But those are only skin-deep. Real sin runs much deeper and sometimes takes a long time to sort out. Catholics have a concept called examination of conscience, which you are supposed to do before receiving the Eucharist and before confession.

But examination of conscience is an on-going process that can take months or even longer, as you continually change and mature in your relationship with God. And its purpose is to understand where you stand in relationship to where you belong to guide your relationship with God and how you play that relationship out in daily life. It's not an excuse to beat yourself up, but to take responsibility for what you have done, so you can bring it to God and be freed of it. Without this process, we would be defined as a collection of our worst mistakes, and that ignores the intrinsic value of each human being.

The examination of conscience is a key component of freedom because without it, you can misuse your freedom and do great harm to people.

Put another way, I have been freed from a great number of things. The last thing I want to do is to use my freedom to build prisons of guilt or insufficiency for others. And because I can ask forgiveness when I screw it up, and I know I will be granted that forgiveness, I am free to try again, but with the humility of someone who is escaping a storm of my own making through the grace and mercy of a loving Father who guides and protects.