September 30, Freedom to See Your Flaws

Well, we made it. Another last day of existence has come and past and here we are.

Freedom includes the ability to be introspective. It includes the ability to honestly look at yourself and take the time to realistically assess who and what you are. Catholicism has a concept called "examination of conscience." Taken at its face value, it means that you review what you've done before you go to bed at night and ask forgiveness.

But it's really deeper than that. It involves a look within yourself on an ongoing basis to see who you are and figure out where that stands in relation to who you want to be. This is not to say that we have to perform to earn grace. But, as new knowledge is laid upon your heart, you must deal with that or you are living with less than you should. Inspection of conscience is part of the process of assimilating the new information.

But given the fact the you know that God loves you, you have the freedom to try to look at yourself objectively, perhaps as God sees you. I mean look at yourself in totallity. Don't concentrate on what you have messed up, or on what you excel at. But look at the whole package and figure out, in prayer, thought, and communion with others, and figure out where you want to go from there.

This is not a one-day project. I think that one flaw in many newer Christians is that they expect that their character flaws are going to evaporate. Things will get better and the worst things about you will vanish.

That's not how it goes. Following God involves a lot of waiting. It involves understanding that this is for the long haul. It is not going to instantly change and you are not likely to turn into Mother Theresa overnight.

If anything, the lessons might be harder to deal with, because now you don't have to protect yourself against them. You can really explore your screwups because you are covered by the blood of the Lamb and the love of your Father. And you can explore the parts of you that you don't like without being impaled on them and whipping yourself for them.

The proper role of conscience is as a guide to show you what you don't want, and to move from there. Once you are alerted to where you need to go and you do what you can to make right what you have screwed up, let it go.

You can't get better if you define yourself by your failures. And you can't guide other people to a salvation that you don't really believe in.