The Realization that Frees You

See, here's the thing. I know it's messed up, the way I'm thinking. I suppose that's good. And I know the place I need to get to so I don't think that way. And I suppose that's good. But I'm not sure of how to get there.

There's a guy named Steven Hayes, who has a new approach to all this. He calls his approach acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). ACT emphasizes that you should accept who and what you are and work from there, rather than trying to unlock some deep, dark secrets and change yourself. Here's a quote from Hayes:

ACT is based on the idea that psychological suffering is usually caused by running away from difficult private experiences, by becoming entangled in your own thoughts, and as a result of all of that failing to get your feet moving in accord with your chosen core values.

Based on what I know about this theory, I think it's the right one. To that extent, I've accepted that this is a part of me, and I think I can live with it. And then the hard work is getting out of it.

Parts of life are going to be horrible. In order to be successful, you need to accept this as fact. Just as much as a certain parts of your life will be horrible, the cycle will repeat and other parts will be wonderful. Unless life ends, the cycle continues. So, if nothing else, if you wait it out, you will eventually find a wonderful cycle. And that's the worst case.

If parts of life will be horrible, you don't have to focus on how horrible it is for you. For me, at least, this extreme self-centeredness...this emphasis on how bad things are for me is a warning that I'm not where I want to be.

The key is how to get back. I'm still working that out.