I have 41 years of time to account for today. I hope I don't die today because I can't account for them. I want to be able to account for my time better when I die than I can now.
My time, like yours, is limited. It is expensive and finite. And if you screw it up here, you don't get a do-over.
I don't feel guilty about it. But I feel sad. And excited about what might be coming up. I want it to be good. I have the toold and the knowledge to make it good. But I still need to make the effort.
In doing so, I can't make it about my past failings...and they are legion. I have to make it about the good that I can do. And that's hard work. Right now, I need to push aside the fatigue that I feel and do the work the Lord gave me to do today, rather than concentrating on the break I will get when I really need it. And it will be hard.
But I am up for the hard work. The day will come when my work is done, and then I can rest. In the meantime, today is all that I or you or anyone else has.
A guy named Ken Caminiti died over the weekend. He was the National League's Most Valuable Player just six years ago. He was a popular player, but he took steroids and had some legal problems and those, unfortunately, will be his legacy among those who don't know him. He, like me, was 41.
I'm just starting to understand the truth. I don't want to leave now. I want to put that truth to work.
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