Alone again...not really

When I got laid off, I felt like I was alone.

As much as work in a pain in the butt, it's a social interaction, one where you can commisserate with those who are more or less in the same boat. After all, if a person or process is a pain to one person in the department, everyone else is likely in the same position.

When you're laid off, you lose that support structure. At the risk of being sexist, when you're a man, it's worse. After all, from childhood, you're brought up to be responsible, to be "the man" who brings home the bacon and makes the problems go away. You're supposed to be the unflinching, stoic rock who solves problems and makes things right, dispensing wisdom and making sure the bills get paid. For the kids of my generation, you're supposed to be Mike Brady.

When I got laid off, I felt a lot of pressure to make sure the bills got paid, but also to not add to the stress and the problems. And that's one of the places I have ample room for improvement if I'm ever laid off again. I tried to handle it all myself and encapsulate the stress and worry, and in doing do, I just added more stress, first to myself, and inevitably to the entire house.

To be sure, I had a wonderful support structure. My wife never even hinted, as hard as things got, at leaving. And I'm sure I made things much more difficult for her than they could have been.

I also have a group of guys I've met with on Saturday mornings since 1998. Without them and their support, I'm not sure what would have happened.

That's the great illusion of life. Though we're brought up, especially as men, to be rugged individualists, we are really part of a web of people. At times, we need that web to help support us, and that's okay because at times, we form the part of the web that helps support others.

In that way, our hands become, for lack of a better phrase, the hands of God, with support both freely given and freely accepted when we need it.

No matter how bad things are, the simple fact of the matter is, you are most likely not alone. The trick is to recognize that and accept the support.